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Days of the Panda


days of the panda
quotes & things

'To the lovely dancing lights, I begged, "May i cut in?" but they never stopped playing "their song".'  This Celluloid Dream - AFI


03/06/06 Dreams within dreams

My sister came and sat on my bed which woke me up and annoyed me so i started slapping her back (her back was towards me) to get off my bed. Then i kinda woke up and found that my arms were still warm and snug underneath the blankets and that i was just imagining slapping my sis. I couldnt be bothered reaching out and slapping her then because it was too cold so i just made irrated noises for her to get off my bed. Then i kinda woke up again and found that she wasn't even on my bed.

Dreamt I bumped into DV - he looked older and mature. He had greys above his ears. He was looking at me with this serious expression and mouthing something to me. There was no sound coming out and i didnt know what he was saying. He has these big eyes which seem to have so many thoughts behind them but i couldn't -- and never have been able to -- figure out what was going through his head. I found out that he was going out with Vien from my HS and i got annoyed. I was telling my primary friend Thoch Rom about how it wasnt fair.
I havnt seen him in ages. The last i saw of him, he was with his younger brother and mother which was nice. Better than the saddening image i saw of him on some photos i developed a few years back. Anyways, really hope life is treating him good right now..

Nam rang needing to know which day it was that they went to carlingford. It wasnt something which i attended myself but supposedly i knew about it. It seemed extremely important that he found out. I said i;d get back to him because i couldnt remember which day it was exactly. All i said was im pretty sure it was a weekday cos Roly took the day off work to go.

30/03/06 School Bus
A friend of mine got on a bus. He chose the slimy mouldy lookin green bus whose metal was corroded and broken. Only then did he realise it was a school bus used to pick up ghosts of dead children. They would float down from the window sills of their double story houses and into the bus.

Dragon Fish

Jimenez said when the Chinese New Year comes, go to the hair parlour and watch the dragon fish’s display. So when the day of Chinese New Year arrived I walked in to a hair parlour which looked like a unit and found 5 or so people crowded around a room in awe. I soon noticed the object of their awe was a dark blue dragon fish with black fins (Let’s call him the blue warrior!) who had just shed its’ skin which was lying at the bottom of the tank. The Blue Warrior was in a display of magnificent dance (well im sure it was meant to be) – twisting and turning and doing spins as though it had been spiked through the core like a chicken on the bbq. He was showing off its new found colours and adapting its body into the new skin.


The water seemed to turn orange like flames and a tiger appeared in the background supervising as the blue warrior attacked at its old skin – which at this stage also looked as though it contained a body as well. Half way through, the people seemed to lose interest and went back to the living room and watched TV. Then there was a knock on the door and a parcel was posted. Then plain clothed cops arrived at the scene and took the parcel. It contained docs saying the criminal was beyond control and had to be taken away. At that stage 2 men were led out. A small Vietnamese man (Kong) in a blue night gown like those from hospital; and a white guy (Smith) in a white tee. Both were very angry and didn’t want to be taken away. I looked on in horror as the criminals attempted freedom. Smith was in handcuffs and Kong was squeezed between Smith’s arms like a Frankfurt in a bread roll. Then like in a movie, my dream zoomed in on Smith’s handcuffs and was trying to rip his hands out of them and was succeeding. As he got the cuffs off, Kong was also let loose and at that time Kong drew a gun and shot smith and the police. I was hiding behind a pillow on the side of the TV that whole time and screamed ‘please don’t shoot me! please!” at that point he looked somewhat sad as he pointed the gun towards his chest.  Now my dream zoomed in on the gun and found it had changed into some kind of suction tool. When shot it would suck in what was on one end of the gun and come out of the other end. Kong pulled the trigger and blood was sucked out of his chest and out of the gun. I watched as the blood poured out and filled the room. I watched as Kong’s face went from white to red as the blood rose above his head. 

I kept falling or tripping over.. And I always had a lot of difficulty getting back up.. My left leg would be in pain and stiff.. And each movement made my joints crack.

Lana's Birthday 
It was Lana's birthday and Clark (in the form of Roly - or the other way around - I cant remember) gave Lana a gift box field with notes written on beautiful stationary. She was happy until she slowly went through the notes and saw that most of them were addressed to me instead. There was one note which I read ' hi marjorie. Say happy birthday to lana for me!". She looked sad and was looking at Clark for an explanation. He said.. "I don't know.. I was thinking about you and marjorie as well when I was writing those letters..." (02/03/06)



Clark held me down and said something like "you know my secret. I’m sorry but you’ll have to lose your leg now". He yanked the sole of my left foot. I brought my foot up and found that he had ripped off the heel of my left foot and pulled along with it, all the ligaments, veins and tendons which were joining it.. so it was as though half of my leg had been emptied hollow and all that was left was the skin covering. Whilst in the car going to see the doctor, clear gooey strands were oozing out of my leg. I went to see Dr So who said “can I do surgery on you?”. Eventually I agreed and he lifted my foot to have a look. He took a piece of plastic and wedged it into my foot through the opening at the heel. I was whimpering from the pain so he injected something into my stomach which seemed to stop the pain/. He stitched up the patch of skin back onto the heel of my foot (I had kept it). He had some gadget which supposedly told him how successful the surgery went. I got an ‘A’ which meant surgery went well. I then told him that Clark was really smart and Clark had told me that I’d lose my leg and had tactically pulled out all the ligaments and stuff too. Restitching the skin doesn’t seem like it’d do the trick. He then shook his little answer ball again and this time round it gave a really low score like D or F or something. My doctor then said “I’m not too certain anymore. Sorry”.


Notes: I think Clark was trying to tell me to stop watching so much Smallville episodes and to do my leg+ back exercises – else I will lose my leg. Thanks Clark. 



We were being hunted so we left our dorm and started running. We found a dark shady area behind a hill. As we got closer, the grass got muddy and wet. Smelt bad too. Lana wasn’t happy about this. Looked around and realised it was a peacock nesting area and the ground was wet from their waste.  So next we went and sat behind this big bushy tree which overlooked a football field and blue skies. I was actually feeling safe and happy at that stage. I got to spend time with cool and beautiful Lana. Then it hit me that we were sitting at the back of the dorm and the badies were about to some out through the back door. Next we ran and hid in our garage where they walked inn with a gun and found us. I begged ‘please please don’t kill us!” and he walked back out pretending not to see us. The next bady walked in to check and again he walked out pretending not to see us.. each bady did this. I believe I have Lana to thank for her good looks.


Walking and arms hooked together. Happy. Later Rajiv was in bed working on his laptop. I was there too and I started browsing through the folders And found a folder called ‘things I care about 2005” or something along those lines. In that folder, there was only one file ‘kate.jpg’. I opened it and it was of Leng. just a normal picture of her standing in a white t-shirt with the words ‘FAIRFIELD’ on it. He explained that was his wife and that I was ruining the moment. And there I was, arm still hooked in his. I was thinking about how I wasn’t really friends with Leng and that I didn’t really like her. (She was someone from my primary school – not that I didn’t like her – we were just in different groups so I didn’t know her really). Turn around, hug some more, don’t worry about her. I was hiding from Linda under the blanket. She found me and thought she had the goss of the town. She wanted to tell Vidya. I convinced her not too.


Notes: That night, 1. I watched House s2e10. Stacey kisses house. He starts talking about her husband whilst kissing. She tells him to shut it cos he’s ruining the moment. 2. also watched Gilmore Girls. Rory has an affair with her ex who is married. 3. Spoke to Linda too – her bday is coming up. 4. spoke of dad’s friend Loyld today - who is captured in Laos. Maybe that’s why I dreamt of Rajiv? They look a little similar.

OTH Party

In a room, a party with Lucas’s mum. She was upset/disappointed hat lucas wasn’t there as well. I then went into an emotional frenzy of the benefits of his not being there. I was saying you don’t need to be so conscious of what you’re doing and its embarrassment factor. You don’t need to worry about whether you’re dressed ugly, eating or standing ugly. I was speaking of my own ease that Nathan wasn’t there.


I was in the loo, trying to poop. The poop was half way out with a long stringy strand. An undigested vegetable perhaps? My mum and sister were standing close by observing. My mother than stepped in to assist (without my asking). She tugged on the stringy part to try get the poop moving. The poop then started coming out, splatting yellow gooey chunks all over the walls and me. Finally it was stuck again – even with a firm tug (with I could feel), it wouldn’t come out. That’s enough pooping for one day I say.


My sister and I were walking casually and as we got closer to a bridge type thing I found that an ex-work mate Anne Ly had been hung under one of the bridge’s arch.  Hair matted and down, eyes open tanned and blood splattered. My sister had walked closer than I had and noticed that she was still breathing. I called the ambulance and gave an address I cannot remember now – but it is not a location that I’m aware of. We found that she had been hung by her ex-boyfriend. At that stage, her ex was coming for us as we had disrupted his plan.


Then, back in someone’s living room with some friends (Roly, Peter, Richard etc), we were watching the tele when it all of a sudden, what we were watching on the tv was a reflection of what was really happening in the room. Anne’s ex was at the door and we watched on the tv as he slowly clicked open the door. The chain on the door was creaking open. I turned from the television screen and covered my eyes. I heard screams of horror.